I Did It !!

I graduated from Full Sail with my BFA in Creative Writing for Entertainment! I earned a Course Director Award in my Psychology of Play class. This part of my journey is over, and I would like to tell you a little bit about it.

This journey has been a long one. I have spent many nights up till way past midnight working on assignments after working all day long. I would come home, cook dinner, eat, and begin working on school work. I wouldn't finish until sometime after midnight, shower, and get back up at six thirty in the morning to start the process over. I was exhausted and beginning to think that I couldn't do it. About half way through, I was convinced that I was going to fail. My grades were good. I had mostly A's. They weren't the reason I thought I was going to fail. My own self doubt was the reason.

I kept telling myself I was too weak to continue on. I felt that I wasn't giving enough of myself to school, work, and most importantly my wife. I broke down and sobbed to my wife. I told her I wanted to drop out. I told her I wanted to give up on my dream. I told her I wasn't good enough and that I needed to just quit. She let me cry. She let me sob until I ran out of tears. She let me talk and tear myself to pieces until my voice was hoarse. When I wasn't talking or crying anymore, she asked if it was her turn. All I could manage was a nod.

I will never forget her speech to me. I felt that it was almost rehearsed, as if she saw my breakdown coming. "Baby, you are not a failure, and I don't ever want to hear you call yourself that again. You go to work on just four hours of sleep on a good night. You get your job done, and help others with yours. They trust you to fill whatever position they need help in. Your grades are doing phenomenal, and you have an open door communication with your teachers. You help keep this house clean, and you still find time when I break down and I need you. You love on the cats, and they still know who their Mommy is. You make time for our family, even when you are beaten down and exhausted. When you are learning something new, I see your eyes light up with pure fascination. I know there have been a few classes, that pushed you to your limits and that was hard. I wanted so bad to do more to help. But you made it through even those. You are a warrior. You are my Queen. You are a Goddess who doesn't give up. You are not fighting alone."

I didn't think I could cry more, but new tears fell. I couldn't believe I still had more to shed, yet her words hit a different chord. They warmed my heart. She reminded me that I wasn't alone, even though I felt as if I was. I had forgotten that the family I had been helping take care of was also there taking care of me. The nights when I couldn't remember how I got to bed or my phone got on the charger, that was my wife, making sure I got at least a few hours of sleep. Food would appear next to me while I would be working and I wouldn't be sure when or how. That was my wife's doing.

Once I remembered I had a support system, I was ready to fight again. I was ready to stand up, wipe my tears, and begin again. I was ready to absorb all the knowledge that all of my amazing teachers were ready to give to me. I reached my first Game Writing class. I fell in love. I wanted to do more, and learn more. I reached out to my teacher, who helped me all the way. I realized I wanted to keep writing books and novels, but that I wanted to do so much more as well. I wanted to publish games.

But not just any type of games. I want to work on designing, creating and publishing games that will help those with ADHD, Anxiety, OCD, Bipolar, and many more. In my game writing class, I stumbled across an article that was about a study done on young children with Anxiety and ADD/ADHD. With the correct style of game, and the right messages hidden in the game, the children were able to learn coping skills and social skills, and it helped them in life. However, with the research I had done, it didn't appear that they took it past the study. I want to do just that.

I made several new friends along the way as well. One of them is currently helping me as we work on writing and publishing a book. My journey has taken me through so many ups and downs but has also taught me a lot of valuable lessons. I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I am not alone. And maybe, most importantly, that I am capable of pursing any and every dream, and coming out the other end, a stronger person.